Since so many of you were leaving encouraging and kind comments on my last post (thank you!) I thought it would be best to give an update for Cycle #1.
A few hours after I posted my last entry I started to bleed quite a bit more. I am definitely on my period now. The result of our first cycle trying is a BFN.
And while I always told myself that a pregnancy definitely wouldn’t take our first cycle trying, I still somehow got my hopes up. It was still disappointing to start bleeding.
I was surprisingly not feeling too down and defeated yesterday, but the despair set in late last night. My wife and I have also been emailing and talking with a lender over the last week, and a few stressful situations came up yesterday. Along with the BFN and my period starting, I started to feel really down and defeated last night.
I cried for a bit last night after we went to bed. My wife held me and whispered reassuring words. I woke up this morning also feeling pretty down, sad, and defeated.
However, this afternoon changed my pep and step quite a bit; we received amazing news from our lender this afternoon!!!
I went from feeling sad and down this morning to feeling blissfully surprised, happy, and pretty over the moon. I spent some time thanking the universe for some good news after the devastating news of a failed first cycle.
My wife and I needed this; we both definitely feel more positive for cycle #2.
My wife has been saying “March is our month. Perhaps March will be a month full of yes’s, since February was a month full of no’s.”
Last month we also received news that our landlady will not allow us to rescue a puppy. Which just, of course, gave us an even bigger incentive to buy a home of our own.
We are going to be doing two things differently this second cycle. For one, I want to nix the use of pre-seed. I know many two women couples who had success using pre-seed at home, but I recently found a thread in one of our TTC groups where women reported having success when they stopped using pre-seed!
This kind of makes sense to my brain. Women who conceive naturally don’t use pre-seed to help guide the sperm to the fallopian tubes. One woman in one of the groups said she read that pre-seed could actually get in the way of the sperm. So, we are going to try this cycle without it.
Another change we’d like to make is to start our inseminations this month a day early. We are hoping to do our first insemination the day before my first positive ovulation test. This way we can be assured that some sperm will be waiting for the egg.
I feel a little more hopeful this month, especially after receiving fantastic news this afternoon. Maybe my wife is right. Maybe March will be the month of “yes!” for us.
Here’s to hoping. Congrats to all of you who received your BFPs this month! And to everyone who also received a BFN with us, may we all continue on with strength and courage for our next cycle.