Officially Out For Cycle #2; Onto Cycle #3

My period came exactly on time, on Monday, right along with the new Moon.  It was hard at first, but I felt better later on.  This is something that just may take a while.  I keep reminding myself that it’s normal for a heterosexual couple to take a year of trying to become pregnant.

Our donor couple is all ready for cycle #3.  In fact, they were inquiring with me about the timing of it before my period showed up and we were officially out.

I talked with my wife, and her and I are in agreement; we’d like to try one more round with our primary donor couple, and if cycle #3 is unsuccessful, we may switch to our secondary donor couple for a few rounds/cycles.

There’s a chance that my eggs and our secondary donor’s sperm could be more compatible.  I figure it’s a shot in the dark, but many women in our TTC groups have had success after switching donors.

Many women in our groups also didn’t have success until a year, or even two, of trying.

I just keep reminding myself that we have to keep at it.  It seems daunting, to track ovulation and to get together with either donor couple, month, after month, after month.

Especially with how overwhelmed I’ve been with my career and clients lately.  Business is blossoming and blooming, and it’s amazing, but it’s also a lot to juggle along with TTCing.

Right now my wife and I are only looking at houses that our relator send us. via email, but in a few months we’ll actually need to start looking in person, and start preparing to make offers.

Thinking of juggling my expanding business, starting our first home-buying process, and still trying to conceive month to month has my head spinning.  I ended up having to take a mental health day for myself yesterday because of how burned out and busy I feel.

We may need to take a month off here or there from TTCing.  We’ll see what happens.  This has already been the craziest journey I’ve ever taken, and we are only two months into attempts.

This Two Week Wait & TTC Process Is Killing Me

The day after I wrote my last blog entry I woke up feeling really down, dark, and mildly depressed.  I physically felt completely normal, and that upset and frustrated me because I was certain it meant this round of inseminations didn’t take. This thought process was completely absurd because it was way too early for symptoms.

And I knew that.  But I still felt really down and dark, thinking that this cycle wouldn’t take.  And worrying about how many months and cycles we would have to try before the possibility of actually achieving a pregnancy.

I felt a bit better the following day, but I was still having a hard time.  I only felt minimally better when I started to feel a little off and perhaps started to have a symptom, but I still felt really cynical.

I’m still feeling rather cynical and down today.  I felt better yesterday, but I’ve lost that optimism.

I do have one symptom that’s progressing with each passing day, but after having so many symptoms last cycle, and that cycle ending in a BFN, I’m too afraid to become hopeful.

What’s worse is I’m hardcore judging myself for feeling so down because we’ve only had one failed cycle.  There are women who have been trying to become pregnant for years without success.  We are still so early in our journey, and yet I feel like I can hardly handle where we are now, yet alone carry on.

The two week wait last cycle was so much easier to get through than this one.  Time is passing so slowly.  I feel so pessimistic.  I feel like I might need to take a break from trying if this month also ends in a BFN, and I feel so ridiculous thinking that I’ll need a break only after two months of attempts.

Tomorrow starts week #2 of this wait, so we are nearly halfway through.  I don’t think this week will be any easier than last week; in fact, I think it’ll probably be harder.

I wish I had the strength and courage that I see so many other women have who are also going through this process.

Gearing Up For Cycle #2 Amongst Being Too Busy

The last week has flown by incredibly fast.  I am already finished my normal seven day period, and pregnancy attempt #2 will begin later this week!

However, this won’t be a normal month of inseminations.  One of my closest friends will be coming into town to stay with us for three nights and four days.  She’ll be in town from NYC.  I shall pick her up from the bus stop Thursday night.

You may be wondering why I’ve scheduled a friend to visit us while we will need to be doing a cycle of inseminations.  The answer to this is simple: when I scheduled this visit months ago, it was originally during a time where I would be on the end of my period, thus not quite yet time to start a cycle of inseminations.

My period came five days early this month, therefore throwing off my normal period schedule, and probably my ovulation schedule as well.

The moment this period started early I reached out to my friend and warned her that her visit with us this time may be a little unusual.  Right away she told me to stop apologizing and assured me that she doesn’t mind at all.  She understands that are pregnancy attempts are time sensitive.

Thank gawd this friend is close enough to me that she already knew about all of this beforehand.  She already knew we had started our TTC journey, and that we were using a known donor.  She knew a lot about how we were conducting these artificial inseminations at home. She even knew that we try to do three inseminations per cycle.

Even with her assurance that she doesn’t mind, it’s still a crazy time to do round #2 of inseminations.  On top of that I have a very busy week of self-employment this week. I have four clients, one of them twice this week, and a long chair gig tomorrow.  My wife and I need to completely clean the house in preparation for our guest.  We have to host said guest and keep her occupied and happy, while also meeting with our donor couple to do inseminations.  I have to start tracking my ovulation today.  I also need to figure out how to use menstrual soft cups…

We bought these yesterday.  The women in our FB TTC groups say that these cups will hold the sperm closer to the cervix than an actual menstrual cup.  The difference between these soft cups and normal menstrual cups are that these cups are disposable; menstrual cups you wash and re-use for up to a year.

The only problem is that I haven’t even started to practice using these! I’m going to start after I finish this post.  Before I start getting ready to head to my first client of the week….

We were busy this entire weekend with friends and family.  We’ve been busy for the last five weekends or so.  We’ve been incredibly busy this year.

I need find some downtime after this week and weekend.  With all this craziness going on I’m already kind of expecting this cycle not to take…

EDIT:   I just flawlessly inserted the soft cup into my body and successfully took it out twice.  It is much, much, much easier than a menstrual cup.

We are going to have our donor donate directly into the soft cup, and I will just insert the soft cup with sperm inside of it into my body.  We will be skipping the syringe all together.

I feel a lot better, and more confident about this cycle now! =)